Afraid.

Some say that everyone’s fear is fearing death. While others are not afraid of death but the ordeal of being forgotten after death. I don’t know which one frightens me more. Maybe, I’m scared of how I would die. Or how my family will suffer during my time of death for a while. I guess- if being forgotten eases the pain and haze me memories, it would be a good thing? Not in my case, but for theirs. How would they cope? How would they go along their day knowing that I am no longer there? How would those who depend on me, how would they know what to do? Its kind of sad- really.

When thinking about things like this- I wonder how other people view me. I wonder if I was ever consider a “role model” for others.. or was I someone who they even consider a true friend? Am I someone who torture one to certain degree for them to despise me so? Will my living be some sort of legend to some people? Or will I be forgotten? After passing do people usually say nice things like “shes a good person…” or will it be more of  “good riddance”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not emo- nor am I suicidal. Its just pure thinking. I want to live long enough to see grand children. I want to live as long as I can. I know that the future is unpredictable, I know that one can't really foresee what the future hold, but I hope that I will live long enough to see the changes in the world. See how the world evolves.