Knowing the Unknown

How does one even put feelings to words? Maybe it’s the fact that I’ll be one year older than I was before that made me feel uneasy. Things like this shouldn’t bother me. For I know that the life I am living is how I wanted to live. Lately, my minds been blanking out on me. For goodness sakes- I thought today was Tuesday. (its actually Wednesday) Whatever is going on in my head- I hope it goes away. I know that this feeling, this helpless unknown feeling.. I felt it before. I hate knowing the unknown. And I hate dealing with something that I cannot grasp. It’s the feeling of insecurities. It’s the feeling of not knowing what one thinks.. or how one feel.

Eck; has someone penetrated through the boulders and walls that I’ve set up around my boundaries? Has someone made its way towards the icebox of which I called heart? They say that when you fall, you become a fool. But do I want to surrender, wave my white flag and become the ONLY fool? Or is he a fool as well?  As much as I want to deny it; I’m becoming human again. Stupid emotions that shouldn’t be felt. Stupid feelings that should have kept hidden. For they all found their way back. This feeling of uneasiness. This feeling of wondering… its tiring. It’s something we love to hate- yet we yearn so much to have it.

No- I know well of this. I’m just living in denial. Maybe its because I’m afraid of the outcome. Maybe it is because I’m afraid of what I’ll turn into or what it’ll do to me.  So- denial it shall be. Until I can confirm this feeling- I will live on as if it does not bother me. I will keep on doing what I do until this surreal feeling become actuality.